Word of the Day for Tuesday March 27, 2001: insuperable in-SOO-pur-uh-bul, adjective: Incapable of being passed over, surmounted, or overcome; insurmountable; as, insuperable difficulties.

i am always so nervous when leaving a message for someone. i always hope i sound cute and quirky, rather that as geeky as I think I do. oh well

apparently i have a bronchial infection. which i think means bronchitis. I am on 4 different meds. One antibiotic in a pill form, two different inhalers ( flovent and serevent) and a decongestant. I should feel very better very soon. in fact I have coughed so less today it almost feels like there is nothing wrong with me....well nothing anyone can fix :-)

I am still doing floating work with this company. I have a meeting Thursday with my supervisor to talk about doing some work with CI clients, so maybe I will be back up to 40 hours a week. However I was told about a possible job opportunity today in KS that pays 11.50 an hour - which is actually more than I made as a coordinator. I am going to call them tomorrow and see what that is about. I enjoy where I am now, but at the same time I need all the money I can get :-) Especially if Bear and I want to have a nice wedding...which we do ;-) so time will tell...and money talks...right now...which seems bad...but isn’t really…

I haven’t been here for St Pats since my senior year of HS. (1996) I ditched school with Mary Beth...and I think Matt to go to the parade. It was fun...I got sunburned. This year I went to the parade with my best friend Kristen and my Mama. It was a lot of fun. My ears got sunburned. I saw my friend Chris Stigal in a float but I couldn’t get his attention. There was this lady sitting behind us saying the dumbest things all morning long. Like how she thought it was ridiculous that black people could claim that they had any Irish in them, but something like 90 percent of the world has Irish in them. She also talked about Evolution as being the theory that we were descended FROM monkeys - which isn’t true. It’s the theory that we have a common ancestor with the APES. A slight, but very significant difference. Man was she annoyingly stupid. The only float/band I didn’t really like was this sting band from someplace in Kansas I think. First of all it’s a string band so thats kinda weird. But the fact that it was all white men dressed in ceremonial Native American Dress, with black braid wigs, made it horrible - way past weird! Grrr!! We were at the parade from about 10:30ish to almost four. It was pretty long...we even left before the thing was over too. After eating my left overs from Morton’s (see later story) and taking an hour and 1/2 nap, and writing some love mail, Kris and I went to Crown Center so I could get my friend Danny a birthday present and then to the grocery store. My mom was tired and wanted to rehearse (she had a recording session today) so she sent Kris and me to do the shopping :-)

Our night out was really fun. My friend Danny went with us. It was really a good time. We went to Have a Nice Day Cafe first and while waiting in line we witnessed a little altercation. This really bitchy chick was all pissed off at the girls and guys in front of us and she was yelling and them. I dunno...but when she walked away I said “Man...I wanna be JUST LIKE HER when I grow up! I will be SO popular and everyone will love me!” Everyone in front us turned and looked and me and cheered! :-) It was really cool. The cover charge at the bar was 10 bucks - that sucked. The first thing when we got in the door was get a fish bowl full of green Kool-Aid and Everclear. We sucked it through the straws in about 2 minutes! ;-) Then we went out to dance...it was a sardine dance floor! After a bit we went outside and Danny got us another fish bowl (this time it was grape Kool-Aid.) We drank that in about 1 minute flat then we hung outside. All of a sudden saw this couple get into the SUV below us. They were both in the passenger seat....oh what a show! :-) After that we went back inside to dance some more....some cute guy was flirt/dancing with me but he never said a word to me. I think I noticed a wedding ring...so I’m actually glad he didn’t say anything to me. Not to mention I love my bear and wasn’t really interested in anything for that flirt dancing. I was so soaked in sweat from dancing it was nasty.

After leaving there (they close at 1) we went to The Beaumont Club ($3 cover) and we watched the bull riders for a bit. Then I ran into my friend Mikey Lodges, that I’ve known since Junior High. I had a really good time at the bar, despite the fact that Danny and Kris spun me around on a bar stool till I almost puked. I was doing the whole crushing of peoples heads with my fingers, but instead of doing it right in front of my eyes, I was holding my arm way out in front of me. No wonder no one asked us to dance! ;-) He he. After that bar closed (at 3) we walked up to Chubbies and had some grub - that was fun. Then we took a cab home and went to bed. Got in bed round 5. Woke up at 10 today and have been up since.

Friday night. My cousin Crystal wanted to take me out to dinner for my graduation. She works at Morton’s Steak House so she took us there. It was an amazing experience. The decor was awesome - dark cherry wood with the most awesome lighting. Before they order they do a menu presentation. The waiter comes out with a cart of food and shows you all what they have. It’s really pretty neat. And the food...good lord! We started with bread and water...yummy yummy. The we had a shrimp Alexander appetizer. Then we had salads. They (crystal and Kristen) had the spinach salad and I had the Morton’s Salad. IT was romaine lettuce with blue cheese dressing...yumm yummy. Then the main course. We had three veggies - asparagus, broccoli, and wild mushrooms. We had hash browned potatoes and potato skins. I had the NY Strip Steak, Kristen had the salmon and Crystal had the Cajun Rib Eye Steak. It was all fabulous!! A guy walked by me just after I got my steak and he said “Lordy..that’s the biggest piece of meat I have ever seen....what cha eating there.” I ate half of it that night and half the next day for lunch. We took enough food home that Kris and I both ate lunch off of it the next day. The desserts were fabulous too. They both had the Hot Chocolate Godiva cake and I had a chocolate souffl�. The food was amazing! And it came with an amazing price tag....$194 for the three of us. So glad that Crystal had a gift certificate :-) that was an amazing dinner and I am SO glad that I got to go.

sometimes when you listen to music you hear a line....or two....that strike you as amazingly true. and it makes you realize you aren’t alone in the way you feel...and it helps you see a little better how you DO feel.

I was just talking with my best friend Kristen today about my feelings about god or the lack of one. And this quote really sums up how I feel. What if god is just an idea..and I don’t live for today and making today a better day to live. What if I don’t make it better and then there is no tomorrow and I didn’t make a difference or have a good time? That would suck...and be such a colossal waste of life. I just can’t believe a being would create a whole planet of people just to live and serve him/her. What a pointless existence. What vain being? It’s a parent having a child just to prove how great of a parent you can be.

I don’t have the answer to the question: Is there a god? But I think it’s OK to not have an answer. As long as I make a difference and I am happy then I think I don’t need an answer. Even a negative difference is a difference, but a positive one makes for happier people, including the person who made the difference.