Merry Christmas! :-)

this has been a strange time being away from KC on Xmas. its warm here. its lonely here. But I did get to talk to lots of people today..mostly parents and siblings. But I think I’m going to make some phone calls in a bit.

its a song...track 11....numb...from Mizzaundaztood by Pink....i dig it the most…

and today..its true...well..its not just true today...but has always been

there are parts of me people can’t touch. men have made them numb...forever...no thawing this piece out...its numb numb numb...and i rather like it that way....he can’t hurt me now...i am frozen from him....i was weak when he got there...but now I’m numb...thank FUCKING god for the ice...the frozen numbing ice...cause that pain hurt...hurt hurt hurt....but now its...numb...numb...numb....

its love/hate with him...love/hate. damnit bill..i did N O T make you gay....you fucker!! you were gay all along and too fucking afraid to admit it...so you used me...all along you used me...you wanted to pretend you were straight with me....so you did...and fucking KNEW it...i didn’t want to believe it cause i was in love with you...but i KNEW it..but i still love you...and will always love you…

what is my problem?! i haven’t seen or heard from him in over a year...at the least..

i guess I’m not so numb as i thought...the ice is cracking...what the FUCK!?!

course...its just his ice i was talking about.....there are other ices i don’t dare look at...let alone test the thickness...and besides..this track can fit other ices as well...not just the bill ice....