I realize that I have crushes on some of the men in the bands that I like. But I also REALLY like their music. I would like their music even if they were all hideous monsters. My personality is obsessive, and I am a huge flirt, but I will continue to enjoy Flywheel’s music, as well as River Chicken, even if I NEVER see them again. I go to the shows, I enjoy the shows. I hope to see them play again. I resent the implication that I am there JUST for the men. Can I not enjoy the music? Is it that I don’t have a dick and balls so I can’t be a fan - I have to be a fucking “groupie.” It’s a bunch of sexist bull shit! Yah..when I talk about them I mention how cute I think some of them are and I don’t talk about the music. I like the music, but can’t talk about the technical aspects of like all the boy fans can. I just know I like it. I enjoy the sound; I enjoy the rhythms; I like the strength of the drums; I like the harmonies; I like the melodies. I am a fan of their music. I just HAPPEN to think they are cute. Give it a fucking rest already.

good lord. I thought he was hot BEFORE I saw him play! Now I couldn’t BE more infatuated with him. Him being Pat from Flywheel What’s with me and guitar players? He’s just...good lord..can’t even speak. He’s awesome to watch on stage as well. Course he could be standing there doing mime and I would sill stare like it was going outta style. You would think I was 13 with the crush I’ve got going here. He sings back up, and he sounded great. For some reason he seems REALLY familiar to me, but maybe that’s all in my head. I can’t leave out the other hotties in the band Stephen (lead vocals) Jimmi (drums) and Sandy (bass) Like my friend Ivy says “those boys are so totally fuckable!” :) They are all such nice guys too, you can’t help but like them. I wanna play them on a PS2 game though - I think THAT would be fun! :) Granted I suck at EVERY game I play on that thing, but STILL! :) Hee hee, I made them sign my photo in pink sharpie, and my cd too! Now, when they are famous, I will have all their autographs in pink sharpie! :) Good god - even the picture of them just makes me all...weird. good weird. There is just something about him that is QUITE compelling. I am SO gonna make sure last night wasn’t the last time I ever see him. AAIIIIEEEE. “I can’t get you outta my head - boy, your loving is all I think about. I just can’t get you outta my head - boy, it’s more than I dare to think about.”

On a totally less crushyness note - Flywheel ROCKS!! If you get the chance you should go see them live. They are playing all this weekend at Porterhouse in Palm Harbor, and they will be at the mug again on the 6th. Their website has more details. They gave me some flyers to hang up, and I’ve got stickers too! :) I hope I can get lots of people to come to their next show at the Mug. If you live in Tampa, fucking go! :) It will so be worth it. If nothing else, go to their website and check them out, you won’t be sorry! They are a modern hard rock band with heavy melodies, guitar-driven energy and powerful vocals.

Here is your horoscope for Thursday, January 30: Understanding is a quiet, practical business. The best jokes are the ones that nobody has to explain. Wherever you go these days, the road beneath your wheels will be smooth. The joke thing SO fits. Last night after closing we had a nearly hour long converation that was all about slang. We just USED the slang, we didn’t talk. It was the funnised thing I’ve ever heard. Dude: you know right?: wicked: right on: groovy: DOG-pussy. We had ever single on we could think of and we just went round, and round, and round. It was insane. Chris, Jeremey, JD, Vern and I all had a great time. Then Vicki and Vaughn joined in too. At one point there was some hulk hands; it was awesome. I am SO glad I was there. (I wish Flywheel would have still been there, but alas, they had to head to thier hotel. They have a show tonight, and tommrow, and the next day....)

at the VERY least I have developed two new crushes. Pat and Jimmy from Flywheel They are playing at the Mug tomorrow night and they were there tonight hanging out. Pat is insanely hot and Jimmy aint too shabby either. I didn’t really talk to Sandy or Stephen that much, but Stephen has the MOST amazing blue eyes AND he’s got a fabulous accent! :) I couldn’t even really even talk to Pat cause he was so good looking. It was a good time and I am looking forward to seeing them play tomorrow..er..tonight. Plus, I should get to hang out with them some more too :)

oh yah..I sang the lesbian love song that Ray likes so much (Mouth by Merrill Bainbridge) and I got TONS of complements. The voice track is on the song, but The Mr Q&0153; said you could hear my voice distinctly and I was right on! GO me! :) It was my first time singing it, or any song, alone on Tuesday night. The guys from Flywheel were impressed as well as my buddies from River Chicken. It’s a pretty cool to get a compliment about your singing ability from two amazing singers (Vern from River Chicken and Stephen from Flywheel)

im not in much of a posting mood today. didn’t sleep well last night. went to bed round 4, got up round 11. was drunk (again) when I went to bed. I think I will go read some more of Harry Potter and maybe take a nap. We’re heading to the bar tonight. Im all alcholoed out though. It will be a while before I get drunk again.

I got some new lipstick today. It’s Revlon Colorstay Overtime Lipcolor in perennial plum. I ate 2 sandwhiches and its still on. It’s one of those stay on lip sticks. I really like it. I like being able to leave kiss marks on people, but The Mr Q&0153; HATES that. It’s a pretty color too.

here are 21 good rules to live by…

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, “I love you”, mean it.
FIVE. When you say, “I’m sorry”, look the person in the eye.
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone’s dreams. People who don’t have dreams don’t have much.
NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it’s the only way to live life completely.
TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. Please No name calling.
ELEVEN. Don’t judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, smile and ask, “Why do you want to know?”
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN. Say “bless you” when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R’s:
Respect for self;
Respect for others;
Responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY ONE. Spend some time alone.

1. Do you care for poetry? Do you have a favorite poem? Care to share some of it? I do actually like poetry. I even write it. I’ve got some of my poems on my website here. But I really love this poem.

2. What does it take to “rock your world?” Make me laugh. A laugh can make me your friend for life, or break our friendship. Another thing is when you make me feel good about myself without me digging for it. Like you compliment me and really make my day, when I didn’t even know I had an effect on you at all.

3. Have you ever done anything that landed you in financial trouble? Has somebody else’s action ever caused you financial ruin? What happened? When I was in college I got credit cards. I saw it as “free money.” Well...I figured I could handle it. I couldn’t. I’ve still got those damn credits card debts going on. It’s my own fault, but it sucks. I am not in ruin, but I have a D credit rating.

4. Take a stroll down memory lane. There is a song, that every time you hear it, you think of this one person. What’s the song, who is the person, and what memories does it conjure up? Oh..I’ve got lots of those. One of the happier ones is when I hear the song “Hang on Loosely” by 38 SPECIAL.

My friend Mike quoted that song to me once in reference to relationships. I have a great amount of love for that man, and his telling me that really became a source of good advice for me at the time. Every time I hear it, I think of him now. Another one is the song “You Oughta Know” - on the album jagged little pill - Alanis Morissette

When I was seventeen years old I met this guy named Steve. We were “in love” (for whatever that’s worth) and we planned to get married on my 18th birthday. Then all of a sudden he vanished. For the first week he was gone I heard nothing about him, and no one had seen him. Then during the second week I started hearing rumblings of “have you met Steve’s her girlfriend.” I was totally crushed. To make a long, and very painful, story short he moved to Colorado with that girl. Her name is Lilly. This is the “Steve song.”
This song had a second meaning though. I was dating this guy named Dustin. Very cool fellow despite his flaws. He never said I love you - he always said Boots instead. Well on Christmas day 1996 this song came on the radio and I was making a sad face. Dustin leaned over and said “Merry Christmas - I love you.” I don’t know if he planned to say it, or if my reaction to this song made him say it - but he said it and it makes the song a bitter sweet memory versus a bitter one.

5. I’ve never cared for football, it was never on in the house growing up and I never developed a “taste” for it. But I’ve always felt like I “should” enjoy it, that I was deficient in some way because I never get excited about things like the Super Bowl (except for the commercials). Are there any occasions when you feel like you are missing out on something that everyone else seems to enjoy? When we are at the bar. I am usually the designated driver and sometimes I feel like I am now having a good as a time as everyone else because I am sober. Granted this isn’t all the time, because I have the ability to have an uber good time sober, but sometimes I feel on the outside.

6. A few of the phrases that get under my skin are “take it to the next level” (which was used when I was told why I was being replaced at Fox by someone who could do that) and “you just don’t get it” (always popular in relationship fights). What phrases “push your buttons” and why? At the moment I cannot think of any. But if, and when I can, I will edit this post and enter them.

7. Do you believe in life after death? What do you believe happens when our time is up?* I don’t think that this is the end. I don’t know what happens, but I am not scared. I don’t want to leave this life yet, but I don’t think it’s just ENDS when I die.

8 jello shots and 4 butterly nipples later - Tampa Bay beats Oakland 48-21 in Super Bowl XXXVII in San Diego.

GO BUCS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ps im SO drunk that I am convinced that the Bucs won cause I had my red, black and white bra on. I had the Bucs colors “>close to my heart!!”

Yesterday when I was at Target (all hail the Target) looking for a push up bra, which I didn’t find, and lots and lots of other stuff - I got some valentines cards. I got a box of 32 valentines plus sticker set. The face on the cards - Strawberry Shortcake! :) She’s the perfect valentine for me to give out. I love giving valentine cards. AND these little things have inspired a layout change for valentines day. I think I will wait till February to put up the change, but I may not. Ya never know. It may be up by the end of the day.

I’ve been playing at Swappingtons today. I added 3 cds. I got accepted on my first cd I put up (The doors greatest hits) and I made an offer on the soundtrack for the soundtrack to “not another teen movie.” This is cool. I am gonna get new stuff by just getting rid of my old stuff! :) No money is involved at all - cept for the shipping on the cd I have to send to Arizona. do you have stuff you don’t need/use anymore? Are there new things that you want? Then Swappingtons is for you. Sign up - its fun. Use the name Kaysee and your referral, then everyone wins! :)

My father just called me. He called to tell me that my cousin Tabitha died in her sleep last night. (It was unusual because usually my mother does the calling - and she always asks “what are you doing.” This is the only time that my dad has called to give me the death news.) They don’t believe that it was suicide. She was on a lot of meds and she may have overdosed, but we want to believe that it wasn’t intentional. She is survived by her mother, her twin sister, and her three children. I don’t know how Bev and Monica are dealing with this. Bev has lost 3 of her 4 children, and Monica has lost all of her sibling including her twin sister. When Mike killed himself a couple of years bas Moni & Tabbi really leaned on each other to get through it. I don’t know what will happen now. And Bev - she has lost 3 of her 4 children and none of her other siblings has lost any. Why is she being singled out? :( I feel helpless. I can’t help Moni, I can’t help Bev and I can’t help those three beautiful children. We don’t know what will happen to the three of them but it looks like Mikey will go with his father in Washington, Moni will take Maria, and Kierra will go with her father in KC. Monica has three children of her own. My father will be conducting the memorial service and my mother will be singing - she sang at Troy’s and at Mike’s as well. Troy was killed when I was very young, and Mike killed himself in the summer of 1999. My grandmother (on this side of the family) died of bone cancer in 1992. This is the only funeral that I will not be able to attend.