once when i was small i cried.
i cried and cried.
i was very sad.
i don’t remember why.
i just was probably crying for no reason.
yeah. i still do that.
All originally written April 7th 2006. In a notebook/diary of sorts that no one has ever read besides me. I was 17 years old. I was a senior in highshcool. These boys I wrote these letters to, never saw them. Each handwritten in a different color marker.
Elvis,*
I love you. I will always love you. I want you. I will always want you. I wish you still wanted me. But if I can’t have you that way I will live. But you always have to be my friend. I can not live without you. you have to be with me forever. I can’t live without you.
JJ,*
For whatever reason, I love you. I always have. You are tied to me in some fucked up way. We will always have a past. But maybe not always a future. That’s cool. We should always be friends. I wasn’t you. But I can’t have you.
Steve,
I don’t think I hate you. You broke my heart. Bur I am better off without you. We had no solid future. But, damn I loved you. I wanted you. you were there for me, but you left when I needed you most. I even wanted to marry you, but i’m not really sure why. No past! No future. Nothing.
**Not the boys real name.
Yesterday I wrote a lil bit about my past on the radio. I was actually on my college station for about a year, but the obsession, if you wanna call it that, started long before that. Mostly likely because my father is also a, what I am going to call, a Radio Entertainer! He’s got his own 2 hour show on KKFI (90.1 FM Kansas City’s community station), called 71 Highway on Tuesday Nites from 10-midnight CST.) When I was growing up he was a DJ at parties and weddings, and I also remember him doing some work at commercial stations. I did get to go with him sometimes, and I always thought it was the the coolest thing! It wasn’t long before I was making mix tapes, with my own “dj chatter” recorded in between. I wish I had some of those tapes now! When I was in high school I got involved in the Drama club, and showhow I was able to fanagle myself into being involved with the sound track selection for nearly every program my Junior and Senior year. Like - for our Winter Holiday Program I picked music that represented every winter Holiday. Or at least as best I could without the true vastness of the internets, like I’ve got now! ;-) For my senior program - a requirement of Drama II - i spent nearly as much time on the musical interludes as I did on picking the pieces I was to perform! It’s just always something that was fun for me - putting together play-list/soundtracks for whatever. Sometime in my sophomore year of college my friend Jeff - and hubbies room mate and best since 1st grade, convinced me to take into Broad Op, and then join the Radio Practicum. I was on the Production Team for a while, making commercials and promos - and also on the Exec Board for a while serving as the web designer. My first semester on air I did a co-show with Jeff on Friday nites - all request with hardly a playlist. It was insane fun. We got to pick the music ourselves for the most part, and we had loads of fun talking and goofin off! At some point I got involved with another show on the station - I did a semester with a dude named Ash - he was the guy and I was the girl. It was mostly the same sort of stuff as with Jeff, just that Ash and Jeff were a little deferent personality wise ;-) I had a lot of fun on that show too though. I enjoyed most of my time at the station - the events and the parties. I did loads of commercials and promos, and I used to have a lot of them on tape - but I think they’re been lost now. :-( Which is prolly good, cause I certainly think I’m better on air now. Plus - the music is better ;-)
p.s Notice the new Skin. It’s called a bright and sexy fall. It’s the new default and the first one in the pull down menu. Hope you like it! :-)

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