Thursday night a good friend of mine called from Camp™.  She called around 8:30 and went spent nearly three hours on the phone. :) Camp™ starts Monday and she was packing to go to the airport.  It was nice to get to talk to her again; we talk every couple of months. I really miss going to Camp™.  I last went in 2002; I first went in 1992.  Every summer for 11 repeats; whether I was working or not; whether I was in college or not; I went to Camp™.  My best friend in Jr High was a girl named STG and her mom suggested we go to this camp.  Another friend of ours from Jr High also went, but she didn’t come back after that first year.  It was love. Not only could I act a fool, and make people laugh; but I also lots of peers to also hang out with. We bonded. We bonded over Bad Naked, and Annie. We bonded over Tornadoes and The WitchBoss of 1997.  It used to be that I could set my calendar by Camp™, and that every single summer I looked forward to it.  My reasons for leaving for practical, as well as emotional, but going wasn’t an option any more. I hope that one day I will be able to go again; even if to just visit one week.  At first not going felt totally right and I wasn’t sad that I wasn’t going to be there. Other emotions clouded it. Anger, resentment, frustration and maybe even boredom.  But after spending three hours with my friend doing the memory lane dance; trying to focus on all the good stuff like after parties and twisted hookups - the emotions of loss and loneliness began to surface.  It was weird. I was happy talking about Camp™ again; the good and the bad. It just really made me miss it.  This is my third summer away. This is my third summer not spending a week singing silly camp songs, going to bed early, glorifying Mr Camp™, I just really really miss it.  And I didn’t think I would.  I didn’t think I would this bad either.  My friend said that she was gonna send me pictures from her cell and also ones from her digital camera. It won’t be the same; but seeing as how it’s been three years since I’ve even seen most of these kids, I’d love even those. The last Camp™-ish event I attended was in Dec of 2003. Less than 6 counselors at that event. It was fun, but I can count at least 3 times as many that I WANT to see.  I don’t want to get into why I left.  But I know that I can’t get back the good things about Camp™ unless I let the other emotions about it go. I think I am on my way back to being part of the Camp™ spirit again.  Or at least that’s what I hope is happening. :)